Why My Marriage Didnt Work

Princess Diana said there were three people in her marriage. The human face of the Royal Family was lucky.
There were eight in mine.
Julie, me, her parents, my mum and dad and their partners. You will notice that I dont use the word `step-parents`.
I did not have a stepmother or a stepfather. I never wanted or needed one. They were just the `sleeping partners` of my parents and not connected to me by blood or DNA.

And I reckon if it werent for them suffocating and interferring in my life I would more then likely still be happily married and have all my children (instead of 2) living under my roof.

As I have stated throughout my autobiography The Punk Poet contains the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Unless I am 100% honest about everything there would be no point in writing it. That is why every single sentence in this book is a statement of fact.

So I wont start this Chapter by attacking my former in-laws. I will blame my own poor excuse for a dad and my mum.

They cast a dark shadow not just over my marriage but my life. The truth is that in the 18 years before I met Julie I hardly had any contact with them. And looking back that is how it should of stayed.

After my dad `walked out` to be with his latest fancy woman - contact almost stopped - and at one time I think I went 5 years without talking to him.

My mum moved up North and then to South Africa (for 6 years - it could of been longer or shorter - to be honest I cant remember) and on her return I think I only saw her about once a year.

I know before meeting Julie I had only twice been to my mum`s home in Cheshire. I once stayed overnight with my girlfriend Erica Echenberg and the second time I had The Stone Roses for company.
And I never stayed at my dad`s coz I hated his wife (the hate was mutual).

So as you can see I werent close to either my mum or dad - but I was f*****g happy. I chose to be seperated from them.

But when I met Julie and they found out I was going to get married they suddenly `reclaimed` me as their son - and like a mug I let them.

I remember weeks after meeting Julie - I got a phone call from my old man`s wife saying he had been rushed to Orsett Hospital with a heart-attack.

At first the voice in my head was saying "so what" - but Julie talked me into going to the hospital and so we turned up at 3am.

God I wish I hadnt. That visit brought him back into my life and along with it all the demons from my past.

I will go into detail in the book - but I can honestly say that apart from the adultery and the lying to get my children put into care that was the worst thing Julie ever did to me.

One of my character traits / faults - is that I like to `please` and I welcomed my dad back into my life with open arms.

I think adults revert to `children` when they are with their parents - and to me `Chazzy Boy` was a hero again.

No he werent - he was still a self-centred and selfish bastard - but I was wearing rose-tinted spectacles.

Things got worse when my kids come along and I just couldnt handle him and his wife holding my children.

I could see he was `conning` my children just how he conned me. To her credit Julie could see right through him and would say "How can you forgive him for what he did to you all them years ago?"

I would always reply "but he`s my dad". I was weak and she was right.

The same goes for my mum - I let her back into my life - and Julie would say "How can you forgive her for walking out on you?"

How ironic that years later she would walk out on her family?

But the truth is I think Julie was right - If I had kept them and also her interferring parents out of our lives we would still be happily married.

I take the blame for letting others `screw up` our marriage. (not the screwing, that was down to Julie LOL )
It was me who was weak and with `hindsight` in the wrong.

There are two events in my marraige apart from the adultery that `freaked me out`. The actual Wedding Day was `terrible`- please let me explain.

Julie looked beautiful, I loved her and I truly wanted to marry her - but I could of done without the actual wedding.

My mum and dad were in the same room together for the first time since I was 12 and it `freaked me`. I hated it.

They had not spoken for almost 18 years and I had not been in the same room with them since I was Twelve.

It still affects me now. The other incident was the birth of my eldest son - as both mother and child almost died.

My son was in the Special Unit of Basildon Hospital for 10 days and Julie had a emergency ceasereaen (I have probably spelt that wrong)

She looked like a corpse when I visited her and he was so tiny. After about 3 days I had to change his nappy with him all connected to wires and machines.

I almost feinted and the nurse brought me a chair. Those two `pictures` have stayed with me and I dont think I`ve ever recovered.

The wedding day and the birth of my eldest `triggered` something in my head (and I dont mean madness).

Those two incidents and letting my mum and dad back into my life left scars, opened wounds and with `hindsight`affected me more then I realised.

I am certain that if it wasn`t for the re-unification with my parents that I would still be a happily married man.